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Epic Programming Jokes Only Programmers Will Get

Written by itsubuntu

Epic Programming Jokes Only Programmers Will Get

We can understand the pain of being a programmer and all those hectic schedules and the process that we need to go to finish a product and of course to convince the client despite changing the plan thousands of times during the development period.

Today, Instead of discussing the hectic process that programmers have to go through, we will be talking about some of the epic and best programming jokes that no one can understand except programmers.

Epic Programming Jokes Only Programmers Will Get

There are only two kinds of programming languages out there. The ones people complain about and the ones no one uses.
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How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? No, that’s a hardware problem.

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“Algorithm: Word used by programmers when they don’t want to explain what they did.

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Q: What do you call a Russian that enjoys programming?

A: Computin

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Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Can I get you anything?”
“Yeah,” reply the bytes. “Make us a double.”

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“It’s not a bug — it’s an undocumented feature.”

“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
[very long pause] “Java.”

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Unix is very user-friendly…It is just very particular about who its friends are<
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One hundred little bugs in the code
One hundred little bugs.
Fix a bug, link the fix in,
One hundred little bugs in the code.

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There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don’t.

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A programmer walks to the butcher shop and buys a kilo of meat. An hour later he comes back upset that the butcher shortchanged him by 24 grams.

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“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
very long pause….
“Java.”

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Programming is 10% science, 20% ingenuity, and 70% getting the ingenuity to work with the science.

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Programming is like sex:
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

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A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, “Can’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!”

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A programmer had a problem. He thought to himself, “I know, I’ll solve it with threads!”
has Now problems. two

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Q. How did the programmer die in the shower?
A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

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How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None – It’s a hardware problem

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Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.

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To which the man replies, “I am a programmer. We don’t worry about warnings; we only worry about errors.”

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I love pressing the F5 key. It’s refreshing.

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There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and benchmarks.

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CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months

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A programmer is walking along a beach and finds a lamp. He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears. “I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish, but only one wish.”
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From the Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary:
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Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless.
Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop.

The programmer pulls out a map, points to it, and says, “I’d want peace in the Middle East.”
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The genie responds, “Gee, I don’t know. Those people have been fighting for millennia. I can do just about anything, but this is likely beyond my limits.”
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The programmer then says, “Well, I am a programmer, and my programs have lots of users. Please make all my users satisfied with my software and let them ask for sensible changes.”
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At which point the genie responds, “Um, let me see that map again.”
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All programmers are playwrights, and all computers are lousy actors.

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Have you heard about the new Cray supercomputer? It’s so fast, it executes an infinite loop in 6 seconds.

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The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.

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“I just saw my life flash before my eyes and all I could see was a close tag…”

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The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer.

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Debugging: Removing the needles from the haystack.

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Two bytes meet. The first byte asks, “Are you ill?”
The second byte replies, “No, just feeling a bit off.”

 

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